Shopping for groceries

“I cannot believe you snuck that into the cart!” – My little brother’s done it again.

“You could’ve taken it back” – protested my father chuckling, and as usual, not helping much.

“When? At the register? And make a complete fool of myself? No, no, no… this has to stop young man. We cannot afford things that aren’t on the list. If you’d told me sooner I might’ve somehow squeezed it into ‘the others’ section on our list, but not like this… It completely throws off the balance our groceries budget.

“Oh please, honey, it’s only a toy. I’m sure we’ll manage.” – again with a chuckle.

“It’s not only a toy. It’s an expensive toy. By the way, why do you need it anyway? I’m sure I saw the same red car somewhere among that pile of toys you don’t use in your room.”

“I do. I’m sorry. It’s not for me.” – whispered my brother, more to himself, but I heard it.

Dad parked the car and all of us picked up two bags from the trunk. After putting them on the kitchen table I decided to stay there hoping to hear the rest of the conversation.

“So, who is it for then? I heard you back in the car.” – I asked him quietly.

“For a friend.” – he whispered.

“Yes? Which friend?” – Mom was apparently standing behind us.

“David.”

“Who’s David?” – dad joined.

“Honey, I’m sure David’s parents buy him gifts all the time, just as we do… and it’s ok about the car this time, but…”

“And where does this David live? Do we know his parents? When and where did you meet him? Dad was trying to sound calm, but there was a touch of panic in his voice, I could tell.

He told him the address. “What? Sweetie that’s impossible, there are no houses there.”

“He doesn’t live in a house. He’s my age and he lives in an alley. He doesn’t have parents and I met him a week ago when he saw me throwing away my tuna sandwich. He asked if you could have it because he didn’t eat that day.”

“Oh…” – the three of us gasped.

Mother’s eyes were in an instant full of tears. There was a moment of silence and then she exclaimed: “Well go get him!”

Dad was puzzled. “Go and pick that boy up. It’s freezing outside. He’ll dine with us!”

“What? I thought we didn’t have money…” – I was being sarcastic.

“It’s three day before Christmas, we’ll manage. Come on, go you two!” She almost pushed dad and me out. “I’ll make some food.” Before we left the house I saw mom wrapping the toy in a paper. My brother was up in his room. She shouted: “Bring some other toys too! And some of your sweaters!”

Later in the car I told my dad that it’s ok if they don’t get me the cell phone I’ve been begging for for months as Christmas present.

“Well, tough luck, son, ‘cause your mother already bought it.”

“Really?”

“Yes, and the pc game you asked for, too.”

David spent the winter with us. Nothing changed, we still went shopping every Saturday and got the same things as always. How? I guess we managed.

It ends today.

There he was again. Back in his chair. Remote in one hand, a can of beer in the other.

As she was closing the door, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in a large mirror in the hallway. For the first time after sixteen years, the feeling of fear and shame did not reflect back. She was almost scared of herself, of this new person looking back at her. Her eyes were empty, but just for a second. One look at a scar above her left eyebrow brought a storm of emotions, and even though she thought that the years of feeling afraid, cornered and small completely destroyed her ability to feel anything else but low of herself, there it all was – staring at her.

It was agonizing for a moment, but she accepted the change and let this strong, confident woman take over her body, and enjoyed it , because now, everything, every memory that before brought on so much pain and misery to her soul was being transformed into a powerful fuel to her self-assurance; it fueled her anger, her desire make him suffer.

She entered the kitchen passing the living-room without him even noticing and placed two bags of groceries on the counter. A quick glance at him made her both sick and sorry and her mind started yet one more time to wonder about what happened with the man she first fell in love with. A bruise on her arm stopped all her thoughts.

Tonight will not be one of the nights of endless fighting. Tonight she will not get hurt. No, tonight is the night when everything changes. When it all ends.

She reached into the paper bag on the counter and started to look for something. With every breath she took she felt more anxious, and at one point while rummaging through the loafs of bread and some apples ripped the bag. She focused on the other bag, it cannot be she’d lost it. When finally the cold metal brushed against her fingers it was as though the time has stopped.

A forty-two-year old blonde news editor, with shaky hands and tears in her eyes entered the living-room of her apartment and pointed the gun at husband’s chest.

“I’m leaving,” she sobbed, “and there is nothing you can do about it.”